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Does religion say anything about romantic love?
09-13-2009, 01:34 AM
Post: #1
Does religion say anything about romantic love?
Firstly, let me introduce myself. I am a 23 year old male from strong Christian Catholic roots, but I consider myself an explorer and lateral thinker: I value and live religion for its practical aspects (being good towards others, altruism, social performance etc.) and therefore I am also open to learn and adopt into my personal life elements from other schools, philosophies and religions. I'd call myself a "comparative believer", with Christianity as my basic faith.

There is one topic which is confusing me to insanity: Romantic love.

I would like to ask whether religion, especially through any part of the Bible or other teachings in Christianity, actually says and/or advises anything about romantic love, especially on how to search for it, what is the right way to groom and behave ourselves... more simply:something like "dating advice".

The reason I am asking is a long and painful journey that lasts ever since I first heard about love.

To put it short: I got the impression that it isn't sufficient to be a good Christian (altruistic, good, etc.) in order to attract and be able to date someone you like

When I was around 17, I discovered several dating advice material on the internet which helped me understand better this hidden nature of all human beings and how to address it. Most of these texts are called "Seduction Guides" or "How to become a Pick Up Artist" and explain why in matters of love, for a man it is more important to be a leader, self-confident, always make the first step, show that he has many options (can date someone else if he wants), and be dominant among other males, cocky and funny, rather than being nice and kind and honest. A key message of these texts is that even if you aren't aware of it the only way to even get close to the heart of a woman is to first attract her (physical attraction, provoking, desire,...). No attraction, no nothing. You end up in the friendzone.

I used them and they worked very well. In the past, no girl even spoke to me, and after I started using these seduction techniques, women from everywhere would start coming towards me. This fact confirmed my idea that the way Romantic love works is totally unrelated to every other aspect of a human being. She can be the wisest and most intelligent woman in town, but she'll give her heart only to the guy who "makes her wet". I can be intelligent, good-hearted, altruistic, compassionate, honest, and all other Christian values, but all that is useless in winning the love of a woman.

Now... I became more and more successful with women for the last 5-6 years but I realized that I was becoming an adult. Getting women is not my main priority in life and I personally and professionally want to follow the values of Christianity. I like being genuine, honest and authentic, nice, kind, altruistic, since it helps me much more in reaching my professional goals. I also thought that these seduction techniques weren't really very honest and "humane". Some of them almost seemed psychological manipulation.

About one year ago, I thought to quit my lifestyle as a seducer and try the path of integrity. Being myself all the time, good and kind, unconditionally.
To my harshest disappointment, I got back to having the same results as when I was a teenager. Perhaps I am more able to create true and honest friendship with women, but once again I am totally a looser at romantic love. There seem to be a few unrequited sparks, and that's all.

I'd like to emphasize that I have tried with all types of women, from good to bad, intelligent to stupid, from radically religious to radically unreligious. In matters of love, they are all the same.
There have been long hours I was thinking, and sometimes I even risk becoming a mysoginist since it is because of women that I cannot be good and genuine all the time...

That's why I am asking: does God/the Bible/Christianity have any practical directions on how to search for a partner and truly win her heart?
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09-13-2009, 04:01 AM
Post: #2
RE: Does religion say anything about romantic love?
what is your definition of "Love"?
Where did "Love" started with you?
How much "Love" do you have for your family?
Can you Forgive a person for doing the unthinkable to you?

These are just questions you can answer yourself. The True Essence of "Love" is to put yourself in your parents shoes. This is my personal experience. I'm a Man but I know how it feels to be a Mother. I'm Straight BTW, let me explain, I think about how tough it is for my mom to raise my siblings and me, the efforts financially to emotionally, cook, clean and guidance towards life. for the most part I didn't value it when she was alive until she past away then my heart understood the purpose of Love. A woman was designed to multitask but weak in bone structure, a man is designed to have strong bone and narrow minded. this is the very reason why woman always expect more out of a man. and lesbian's enjoy woman friend because they share the same likes, shopping, soul food cooking, money, know where "G" spot is for each other Etc. versus man likes to boom boom pow and being out with boys Etc.

when you understand this way of design you can work on the area's that needs to be fixed or attention towards fixing yourself to compromise her nature. she would see this quality in you instead of a gay man.

Soul Mates are given and formed not found.

As for Dating goes. always give the other person the option to leave the relationship not you leaving. this is you working on the relationship not giving up on it. its a state of mind that your being a positive a possible to your love ones. Religion wise, practitioners should do their best to remain positive. Sorry If I got off topic.
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09-13-2009, 06:31 AM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2009 06:33 AM by DoubleNature.)
Post: #3
RE: Does religion say anything about romantic love?
Thank you for your reply friendofafriend,

I sure do know how to put myself in my parent's shoes, and it is that kind of love and responsibility that makes me prefer religious values and behavior over cynical attitudes. But what I constantly keep experiencing is that the Love you have for parents, for God, the world, life, the beauty of everything around us... has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the love you must create for a partner.
I think there's lot of materialism in searching a partner, in attracting her, in getting to know each other.

I am highly altruistic and can forgive anyone... but will that get me a girl whom I fancy? It seems not...

But some passages in your post (if I understood correctly) seem very similar to what the seducers/PickUpArtists say: being a man, not being needy, not being clingy... May I ask you a more concrete example of what you mean?
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09-13-2009, 09:43 AM
Post: #4
RE: Does religion say anything about romantic love?
Double -

Try reading the Song of Solomon. Cut through the metaphor and there's a lot about love in there. The Proverbs are also very good, as they have lots of advice on a variety of subjects including love and marriage (which are rather synonymous in the Bible). In general, though, the Bible at least doesn't say much about love beyond general statements (1 Corinthians 13 is generally called "The Love Chapter," but it's rather general.)

In addition, most of what the Bible has to say about marriage is outdated advice which treats women as property rather than partners. I'd search elsewhere for the bulk of your information.

I'm back baby! Thanks for everyone who sent me PMs asking what had happened to me.
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09-13-2009, 06:51 PM (This post was last modified: 09-13-2009 07:09 PM by friendofafriend.)
Post: #5
RE: Does religion say anything about romantic love?
(09-13-2009 06:31 AM)DoubleNature Wrote:  Thank you for your reply friendofafriend,

I sure do know how to put myself in my parent's shoes, and it is that kind of love and responsibility that makes me prefer religious values and behavior over cynical attitudes. But what I constantly keep experiencing is that the Love you have for parents, for God, the world, life, the beauty of everything around us... has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the love you must create for a partner.
I think there's lot of materialism in searching a partner, in attracting her, in getting to know each other.

I am highly altruistic and can forgive anyone... but will that get me a girl whom I fancy? It seems not...

But some passages in your post (if I understood correctly) seem very similar to what the seducers/PickUpArtists say: being a man, not being needy, not being clingy... May I ask you a more concrete example of what you mean?
I mentioned forgiveness because if one day your partner did something horribly wrong to you and your relationship ended because you can't seem to forgive them for it. Do you think this person can be your very soul mate if you have acted positive towards this situation. I've been through this in my life, I've been tested by Entities to the extreme in order to have the knowledge that i have. examples and situations are all a test of our Mind, soul and body. I stared into the face of man that raped my sister when she was young, I remained calm and cool because my anger wouldn't justify the past, therefore forgiving him is the best solution. his day of judgment will come to him from who has the right to judge. strange thing is an Entity took me there to his house hundreds of miles from where I lived and I never been through his part of town. couple weeks later I asked my sister about this man and what he done to her. My sister busted down in tears because she never told a single soul about this matter to anyone. I wouldn't know if Entity told me, My sister deep secret was revealed to me. so yes Entities is all knowing, don't think our actions are well hidden. I put my experience and examples on the line for others to benefit. God and Entities know what I'm doing and this will be used against me If I'm lying when my Judgment day comes.
Love for parents and family is a starting point to understand the very root of Love and compare what you know is a positive family values, you then see if those values exist in that person in a relationship. on the real side you can help guide that person to have/understand those values but you cannot tell that person what to do because you don't have that right, morally speaking. are you certain the feeling you feel from a spouse is genuine Love or Lust? to create a character to have a woman is simply lying to yourself and her by hiding your true self. two man will always have different opinion about the fruit from same tree. as for materialism in searching for a woman is true to a point. look at it like this, if i speak my native tongue to you which you won't understand and I can't understand your native tongue then we'll have problems communicating right?, some woman love language is Money, some is attraction, some is sex, some is security and some is affection. first know what language a woman speaks per say to understand her way of character. why must you feel you need to create you/them or something that already exist. you/her already exist accepting your flaws and hers is to grow brighter from those flaws together if you both decide to have kids, these examples and experience should be taught so they can leave a positive example for others. why do you think angels and gods exist. I'll tell you why, angels have no continuation of their blood line like "children", God's do have children so their a god to their children. "we are all created in image of God"... this is the very reason why angels exist and Gods exist. the difference between the two is responsibility... My point is transfer your knowledge to a partner as guidance from what your positive values (an offer) whether from faith or moral ways of doing things to this partner. she might accept or maybe not, if she does accept your guidance then she and you know theirs more to materialism. bottom line is what do you think is the ultimate reason of "Life" and you should talk this to her/him. communication is key.
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