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Dusk Uneven
11-08-2017, 08:10 PM
Post: #1
Dusk Uneven
Dusk Uneven
11/8/17 e.v.
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I am one with the Sire of Silver,
He hath blessed me in His lunar lamplight.
I am one with the Goddess of Gold,
She hath prepped me for Her solar show.

Weigh me down,
Am I floating through a dream
Or does the loss of pain just let me feel alive?
I can't stand,
No legs to carry up now that the pain has ended
...or has it just begun?

Thirty-four ordinary messages amass
To make the blind man see his song
Along with what's within and wearing thin
Like a paper soul.
Who will believe it's not the same old words
That overcome, determining the fate of
Promising it all to someone else?
"I won't believe."

Empty assurances cannot create the push to move
Beyond the hanging gate, the keeper won't approve,
So the distant towers of morning come too late
To scar the night...
Yet this doesn't mean that time will end for them,
They carry the life of the world upon their eaves
Of hope. Yes they do achieve.

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11-10-2017, 12:15 PM
Post: #2
RE: Dusk Uneven
This poem is about a man who has what may be colloquially called a "religious experience" (stanzas 1 & 2), but instead of using it as a stepping stone for his own spiritual unfolding he builds from it a dogma with which to judge others according to their failure to adhere to his beliefs (stanzas 3 & 4). Unfortunately the full impact of the travesty of this common scenario is completely blunted in its execution by way of my use of silky, ethereal lyrics. Sad This poem also represents a regression in form to my use of an ephemeral melody in my head to set the rhythm, therefore the reader is not privy to the flow which is usually suggested through my use of punctuation, alliteration, and rhyme. See my "Second Dewlight Melody" for a good example of this. An all around Epic Fail of a piece this one is, though the lyrics themselves are decent.

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