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Everything life has taught me
01-30-2017, 11:49 PM
Post: #1
I'm a negaholic
I did not even know the condition exists, until moments ago,
when i found it on the Internet. I'm addicted to misery.
I don't want to be happy. I hate being miserable, but i
want it. Over the exactly three decades i've lived, i have
never lived a moment of happiness. By the way, i also have
OCD (this is official, the doctor i used to attend told me
so).
I can't take my mind off the wrong things that have been
done to me or the wrong things i have heard have been
done to others. I ponder them all the time and get angrier
and angrier. Mad to people, to God, to everyone.
When i was in high school, i studied extremely hard to succeed,
so hard that it almost drove me crazy. After that, i denied a
very good chance to go to a decent college, preferring instead to
stay home, being a useless meatbag and moaning to my parents
(i don't know why they haven't kicked me out yet; if i was them,
i'd have done it years ago).
In my early 20s, i attended a psychologist and took anti depressants.
Also, i fell in love. I felt some hope. For a while, i was determined
to become healthy, then go and confess my love to that girl and
start a new, happy life with her (btw, i'm an unkissed virgin).
However, once more, the memories of the wrongs that have been
dealt to me, like the bullying at school years, took the best of me.
I got mad again, stopped the treatment and missed my chance
with the girl (i no longer know her whereabouts, i never confessed
my love to her, she never learnt about my existence).
Besides, i realized professionals cannot really cure anyone, they
can just medicate and control the symptoms, so that the sufferers
will not be a nuisance for society. I will never be cured.
Mom says my future is becoming a homeless person. Well, logically,
that must be my future, for i have zero prospects and my high
school excellent grades do not mean anything anymore; they're
ancient history. Sooner or later, i'll end up a hobo.
A few years ago, i turned to religion. The prospect of an afterlife
where i will be free of my mental problems and i'll be able to enjoy
everything i was deprived of in this world delighted me for a while.
Nay! Once more, devil prevailed and i realized i don't want even that.
I don't want to be close to God, i don't want heaven. I want to go
to hell and suffer eternally. Because i'm a negaholic and there is
nothing i can do about it.
I have joined many forums that seemed interesting and i could have
fun at, but, sooner or later, i always misbehaved, attacked everyone
and got perma banned, missing on purpose my chance to have fun.
I guess, sooner or later, the same will happen here. You can ban
me already to save time.
My misery and patheticness are beyond description. I don't feel i
deserve anything good nor do i desire anything good, no matter
how much my misery pains me. It'd have been better if i had never
been born (i guess that makes two of us, along with Judas Iscariot).
Bye.
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01-31-2017, 10:24 AM
Post: #2
RE: I'm a negaholic
This may be seen as an illness of the mind. you can train your brain just like you can train your body, you have been training your brain for many many years to think negative thoughts, i know it seems like its all you can do, like its natural, but its not, its basically a very bad, very difficult to understand, habit.

I would suggest positive thinking exercise, realize that just like loosing weight when your obese, training your mind to think more healthily when your depressed is hard work. its very rewarding though.

Id be happy to suggest some excersises if you cant think some up. and to offer my own rationalizations if you cant get past a particular thought that bothers you.

~~~

when we enter a discussion on matters of discordance, we should search for truth not victory, In this manner we always win, there are no losers.
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01-31-2017, 02:20 PM
Post: #3
RE: I'm a negaholic
Positive thinking is what i've been hearing about all my life. [censored]. That's what i am and what i will be,
i cannot change. Bye.
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01-31-2017, 02:58 PM
Post: #4
RE: I'm a negaholic
(01-31-2017 02:20 PM)ididnotreadtherules Wrote:  Positive thinking is what i've been hearing about all my life. [censored]. That's what i am and what i will be,
i cannot change. Bye.

Yeah, "positive thinking" isn't a thing.

Are you sure that you do "not want to be happy". Sounds for me that you strongly desire to be happy.
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01-31-2017, 03:28 PM
Post: #5
RE: I'm a negaholic
(01-31-2017 02:20 PM)ididnotreadtherules Wrote:  Positive thinking is what i've been hearing about all my life. [censored]. That's what i am and what i will be,
i cannot change. Bye.

You may do anything you wish.
You can change if you have the desire.
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01-31-2017, 06:53 PM (This post was last modified: 01-31-2017 06:53 PM by PeterPants.)
Post: #6
RE: I'm a negaholic
Quote:Positive thinking is what i've been hearing about all my life. [censored]. That's what i am and what i will be,
i cannot change. Bye.

the science behind depression really is quite simply.. as i said, its a HABIT, a really really powerful habit. of COURSE you dont think you can change, thats what depression DOES, you simply have to trust that every single psychologist and millions of meditation practitioners have SOME understanding, heres my question, regardless of whether or not you think you can get better, do you want to get better? are you not willing to do whatever might help?

Sounds like you've tried everything else, so why not try this? the thing is that you dont even need to believe it will work, you jsut have to DO IT, as i said, its exactly like trianing your body, you gotta work hard at it, especially if your out of shape allready which you clearly are.

ALL evidance in the area of depression and anxiety shows that its sufferers feel they cannot change, but it also shows that they are completely and utterly wrong. you absolutely can change.

~~~

when we enter a discussion on matters of discordance, we should search for truth not victory, In this manner we always win, there are no losers.
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01-31-2017, 08:16 PM
Post: #7
RE: I'm a negaholic
(01-31-2017 06:53 PM)PeterPants Wrote:  
Quote:Positive thinking is what i've been hearing about all my life. [censored]. That's what i am and what i will be,
i cannot change. Bye.

the science behind depression really is quite simply.. as i said, its a HABIT, a really really powerful habit. of COURSE you dont think you can change, thats what depression DOES, you simply have to trust that every single psychologist and millions of meditation practitioners have SOME understanding, heres my question, regardless of whether or not you think you can get better, do you want to get better? are you not willing to do whatever might help?

Sounds like you've tried everything else, so why not try this? the thing is that you dont even need to believe it will work, you jsut have to DO IT, as i said, its exactly like trianing your body, you gotta work hard at it, especially if your out of shape allready which you clearly are.

ALL evidance in the area of depression and anxiety shows that its sufferers feel they cannot change, but it also shows that they are completely and utterly wrong. you absolutely can change.

Professionals never cured anyone. All the lunatics who went to
professionals remained exactly as much of lunatics as they
were before. Professionals exist for two reasons...
1. To medicate the symptoms so that the healthy people
will not be disturbed in their lives by people like me.
2. To make money out of it.

My future in this world is to become homeless. My future in
the otherworld is hell. I no longer want to change. I have
got addicted to my misery and there is no going back for me,
it's too late.
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01-31-2017, 08:25 PM
Post: #8
RE: I'm a negaholic
whatever. I'm not interested in helping someone who has no interest in helping themselves.

please please please feel free to come ask for help or advice anytime. im always willing to help if your willing to try.

Quote:Professionals never cured anyone.

BS, personal experience and statistical data beg to differ, I personally have VERY little trust in most professional health care providers, I think medicine and medical practices are demonstrably very much in their infancy and a lot of it is just money making schemes, but psychiatric help and medication most certainly do help people sometimes.

My grilfriend is suffering through similar but debatable worse issues right now, has been for many years. she sees quite a few specialists and they all focus on her physical symptoms and try to rehabilitate her through exercise which just makes things worse, im 100% convinced they have NO IDEA what they are doing with her. but we absolutely know precicely what helps depression.

getting out of your head, being pre-occipied is a great temporary relief, but training your mind, reprogramming it to be more positive is the cure.

like ive said, depression is essentially a very bad habit, it occurs because bad thoughts lead to more bad thoughts, so one can fall down a rabbit hole of bad thinking, the cure is to re-train your brain.

~~~

when we enter a discussion on matters of discordance, we should search for truth not victory, In this manner we always win, there are no losers.
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02-01-2017, 11:22 PM (This post was last modified: 02-01-2017 11:23 PM by Caesar Saladin.)
Post: #9
RE: I'm a negaholic
'Woe is me' is not a healthy prescription for working towards any sort of normal outlook.

You've gotten yourself into a vicious cycle and admittedly it's hard to break but it CAN be broken- but only you can do it.

Set a goal for yourself- a small one- to attain each day. It can be as simple as cleaning your room, or washing dishes, or taking out garbage. When you achieve that daily goal consistently, add another small goal. And another. And another, until you can set goals for yourself and trust yourself to attain those goals. You don't have to be Mister Happy in doing them- just know that you CAN do them.

Set a goal to smile at everyone you meet that day. Say hello to one, two, three people. Have a conversation with a total stranger about anything but politics or religion.

This is just a quick and dirty example of things you CAN do. They don't require much effort- unless your room is REALLY dirty- and they don't cost a thing.

You say you're destined to be homeless- is that where you WANT to be? Somehow I don't think so. Make a plan on how you're going to avoid being homeless. Get a job, if you don't already have one, and save some money. Do your homework on finding a flat somewhere, something within your means. Make that flat- or one similar- your goal and work towards it, every day.

Don't down yourself- that's the hardest habit to break. You will have to pick yourself up and reinvent yourself. Think of someone you admire- Teddy Roosevelt, Jack London, Margaret Thatcher, even Josef Stalin if that's your thing. Learn about them, adopt them as your role model, and each day ask yourself if you have acted in a way that they would think was productive and appropriate. Not in a 'I hope senpai notices me' sort of way but in a mentor/protege sort of way.

In the end- and I know it's cliche' to say- you are 100% responsible for yourself. It's up to you to break the cycle of depression and move in a better direction. It's up to you to better yourself socially. It's up to you to better yourself economically. It's up to you to get to a place where you can find that love again. Others can offer advice but none of it makes any difference in the world if you don't put at least some of it into practice.

Buck up- life is short and I can tell you from personal experience the days go by faster than you think as you get older. Make the most of the time you do have. Make a happy life for yourself and those around you.

When someone asks "What would Jesus do?" remind them that flipping tables and chasing people with a whip is entirely possible.
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02-08-2017, 07:12 PM
Post: #10
RE: I'm a negaholic
(02-01-2017 11:22 PM)Caesar Saladin Wrote:  'Woe is me' is not a healthy prescription for working towards any sort of normal outlook.

You've gotten yourself into a vicious cycle and admittedly it's hard to break but it CAN be broken- but only you can do it.

Set a goal for yourself- a small one- to attain each day. It can be as simple as cleaning your room, or washing dishes, or taking out garbage. When you achieve that daily goal consistently, add another small goal. And another. And another, until you can set goals for yourself and trust yourself to attain those goals. You don't have to be Mister Happy in doing them- just know that you CAN do them.

Set a goal to smile at everyone you meet that day. Say hello to one, two, three people. Have a conversation with a total stranger about anything but politics or religion.

This is just a quick and dirty example of things you CAN do. They don't require much effort- unless your room is REALLY dirty- and they don't cost a thing.

You say you're destined to be homeless- is that where you WANT to be? Somehow I don't think so. Make a plan on how you're going to avoid being homeless. Get a job, if you don't already have one, and save some money. Do your homework on finding a flat somewhere, something within your means. Make that flat- or one similar- your goal and work towards it, every day.

Don't down yourself- that's the hardest habit to break. You will have to pick yourself up and reinvent yourself. Think of someone you admire- Teddy Roosevelt, Jack London, Margaret Thatcher, even Josef Stalin if that's your thing. Learn about them, adopt them as your role model, and each day ask yourself if you have acted in a way that they would think was productive and appropriate. Not in a 'I hope senpai notices me' sort of way but in a mentor/protege sort of way.

In the end- and I know it's cliche' to say- you are 100% responsible for yourself. It's up to you to break the cycle of depression and move in a better direction. It's up to you to better yourself socially. It's up to you to better yourself economically. It's up to you to get to a place where you can find that love again. Others can offer advice but none of it makes any difference in the world if you don't put at least some of it into practice.

Buck up- life is short and I can tell you from personal experience the days go by faster than you think as you get older. Make the most of the time you do have. Make a happy life for yourself and those around you.

No. I will not do anything of what you said. I hate you all.
I'm out of this forum, forever.
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