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Lust = Hell?
08-27-2009, 01:52 AM
Post: #1
Lust = Hell?
I was involved in a non-denominational church for many years of my young life. In Sunday school, they taught us that if we looked at women lustfully, that we would burn in hell. I took this very, very seriously. Apparently more seriously than most people because now that I'm 33, I am so incredibly screwed up in my head that I have hardly ever engaged in social activities with women (I am a male)...whenever I tried, I either fainted or vomited (on many occasions). I am uncomfortable only with women in social situations. With my male friends, I am great. With female colleagues, I am okay. With my family, I am great. But, in social situations, I just cannot deal with women. This has caused a great deal of embarrassment and disappointment in my life. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts over it. I have tried many anti-anxiety medications over the years and they are not working.

I understand that the church was trying to instill the notion that lust and sex outside of marriage is against God's word, but the manner in which it was taught was extremely damaging to me. I was wondering if anyone else out there has had similar issues.

This is not a joke. I have decided to finally try and get some help, but I am not sure where to turn. Please give me some guidance.
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08-27-2009, 03:45 AM
Post: #2
RE: Lust = Hell?
Well, for your issues I would suggest a therapist. That's sort of what they're there for.

Personally, my extremely religious upbringing and my sheltered, home-schooled life left me utterly unable to deal with the real world. Learning this was a painful and traumatic experience. A dear friend of mine actually has a story very similar to yours, and I think you will find that your story is not unusual in the church.

However I did adjust, and indeed I eventually found that life can be quite fulfilling, indeed more fulfilling, when lived in the godless reality instead of in the oppressive fiction.

I haven't looked into this myself, but I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't some support groups for people with your experiences as well. Certainly they are widespread enough to deserve them.

I'm back baby! Thanks for everyone who sent me PMs asking what had happened to me.
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08-27-2009, 11:03 AM (This post was last modified: 08-27-2009 11:10 AM by camper1999.)
Post: #3
RE: Lust = Hell?
(08-27-2009 03:45 AM)GTseng3 Wrote:  Well, for your issues I would suggest a therapist. That's sort of what they're there for.

Personally, my extremely religious upbringing and my sheltered, home-schooled life left me utterly unable to deal with the real world. Learning this was a painful and traumatic experience. A dear friend of mine actually has a story very similar to yours, and I think you will find that your story is not unusual in the church.

However I did adjust, and indeed I eventually found that life can be quite fulfilling, indeed more fulfilling, when lived in the godless reality instead of in the oppressive fiction.

I haven't looked into this myself, but I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't some support groups for people with your experiences as well. Certainly they are widespread enough to deserve them.

GTseng3, thanks for letting me know that this situation is not unusual. I have a few questions:

1) Exactly what "type" of therapist do I go see? A sex therapist? A regular therapist?

2) Once a therapist "type" is determined, how can I prescreen one? I am worried that if I choose the wrong one, I'll end up wasting 6 months of my time. My life is already slipping by and I don't want to waste more time. I think that finding a good therapist is like finding a good mechanic...it's always good to ask around and do some homework..like checking on the BBB website. Of course, I don't think there is such a thing for doctors.

3) Once I begin, what are the tell-tale signs that the therapist is useless? I have heard many stories that a good therapist is hard to find. Of course, I don't want to jump the gun and just drop the therapist when I don't feel progress is being made...so I guess I'm wondering when to call it quits and move on to the next guy. I know that this process can take years.
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08-27-2009, 12:16 PM
Post: #4
RE: Lust = Hell?
To be honest, I'm not certain. Those are questions best asked of people who actually know about that business.

I'm back baby! Thanks for everyone who sent me PMs asking what had happened to me.
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08-27-2009, 03:51 PM
Post: #5
RE: Lust = Hell?
If I may chime in and display my utter ignorance...

1. In my opinion, your problems are not sexual in nature. They are relational. You don't know how to talk/interact with women. That's not a sexual problem, that's a relational problem. I think a general therapist would be the way to go.

2. I haven't the faintest idea how to go about selecting a therapist. I suppose if there are any professional therapist organizations in your area, that might be a place to start. Or perhaps your local government social services office can point you in the right direction. The final choice of a therapist is totally up to you, and seeing as how therapy is so individualized, I suspect they have ways of allowing you to "test drive" their services to see if the fit is good.

3. I doubt there is a simple way to tell. Personally, if I were looking for a therapist, I'd first and foremost be looking for someone that makes me feel comfortable, and with whom there is some kind of connection, some commonality you share. In a way, it's like your looking for a really wise friend or older brother, so there needs to be good communication. Beyond that, you just need to be open to new things.

Good luck.

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10-26-2009, 08:47 AM
Post: #6
RE: Lust = Hell?
I am sorry to hear that religion has made you this way. I would suggest that you see a therapist, a normal one, not a sex therapist or anything. Depending on where you live, your doctor will probably refer you to one that is suitable. For now, some things you can do is to talk to the women more who you work with that you said you are OK around. Once you get used to that, your ability relationships should develop. There are no real set steps and times of how to do this, what you feel happy with doing will progress naturally, if slowly, and then suddenly one day you will realise how you have changed for the better.

I know it may seem like this has gone to far and may never go away, but it is very possible that it will, but you really have to (and as cheesy as it sounds) believe it will change. That is actually very important in Psychology. Like when quitting smoking, you have to imagine yourself as a non-smoker, which a lot of people cannot do. In your case, you have to imagine yourself being able to deal with women in a social situation.

The person that is truly happy is not the one who gets everything they want, but the one who learns to be happy with what they have.
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10-27-2009, 04:40 AM
Post: #7
RE: Lust = Hell?
I am muslim and we have the same believe
I know that is so hard not to speak to men
Here in Jordan there is a private school for males and other for females
Now I am at university there are here men and women
There are a lot who have boy or girl friend
I have never said to my male colleague
That is not so hard in Jordan because there is a little like me >
The hardest thing at all that I like man
He is not at my university………………..
Forget that
I will do what I believe that is right how much that was hard
I want to enter paradise I believe that their is a paradise
However if he like me he will respect my believes
I believe that Allah give us what we ask to
I love my god so much
Do you know I dress Hijab {do you know what that means?}
Just to enter paradise
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10-27-2009, 02:30 PM
Post: #8
RE: Lust = Hell?
First of all, I’m very sorry to hear about your problem. It sounds like the false teachings of the church has had a negative affect on your life. You would think it would do the opposite but sadly, that is not the case for a lot of people.

First of all, the church was incorrect when they taught the teachings of hell. The Bible teaches that hell does not exist.
In the book, ‘The History of Hell’ by Goerges Minois, (page 50), “of all classical Greek philosophers, the one who has had the greatest influence on traditional views of hell is Plato.”

The New Encyclopedia Britannica (1988) volume 25, page 890 – “From the middle of the 2nd century AD Christians who had some training in Greek philosophy began to feel the need to express their faith in its terms…. The philosophy that suited them best was Platonism (the teaching of Plato).

However, the Bible says: Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10 – “For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing… for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going.”

The Hebrew word Sheol, which referred to the “abode of the dead,” is translated “hell” in some versions of the Bible. Even the patriarch Job, when suffering terribly because of severe illness, begged God, “protect me in hell (sheol)” Job 14:13.
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10-27-2009, 06:56 PM (This post was last modified: 10-27-2009 08:52 PM by Parousia.)
Post: #9
RE: Lust = Hell?
(10-27-2009 02:30 PM)jwitness Wrote:  First of all, the church was incorrect when they taught the teachings of hell. The Bible teaches that hell does not exist.
In the book, ‘The History of Hell’ by Goerges Minois, (page 50), “of all classical Greek philosophers, the one who has had the greatest influence on traditional views of hell is Plato.”

The New Encyclopedia Britannica (1988) volume 25, page 890 – “From the middle of the 2nd century AD Christians who had some training in Greek philosophy began to feel the need to express their faith in its terms…. The philosophy that suited them best was Platonism (the teaching of Plato).

However, the Bible says: Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10 – “For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing… for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going.”

The Hebrew word Sheol, which referred to the “abode of the dead,” is translated “hell” in some versions of the Bible. Even the patriarch Job, when suffering terribly because of severe illness, begged God, “protect me in hell (sheol)” Job 14:13.

The OT does not mention hell, but the NT does and it did so well before the mid 2nd century. We should note that in addition to the written tradition there was an oral tradition. The Sadducees held to strictly the written tradition and denied an afterlife other than the shadowy sheol. The Pharisees had an oral tradition and believed in a meaningful afterlife. See Matt 20

Throughout the Gospels there is very frequent discussion of "eternal life" as the reward for living righteously. The opposite of this is not always clear. There is much discussion of death, the grave and the pit. This can be construed as meaning that the soul of the evil-doer is simply destroyed after death. Then there is much discussion of the eternal fires of hell. Of course, numerous different words have been translated as hell. One of these is Gehenna, the name of the garbage dump outside Jerusalem that was always burning. This could also be construed as implying destruction of the soul.

But in Matt 25 there is an explicit reference to "eternal punishment". And The Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus explicitly refers to “this place of torment” and to “flames” as the method of punishment. Similarly Gehenna as a place of punishment for the wicked existed in Jewish tradition before that.

It would appear that the idea of eternal punishment in hellfire existed in Christianity and even in oral tradition Judaism before they started importing Plato.
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10-28-2009, 02:11 PM
Post: #10
RE: Lust = Hell?
You are absolutely right about the word ‘gehenna’ and it’s meaning.
The dictionary defines a ‘parable’ as a “short fictitious story” – not something that literally happens in real life. Here, Jesus was illustrating how, as a class, the religious leaders of the Jews would “die” figuratively toward having God’s favor and come into distress while alive on earth – as they did on hearing Jesus proclaim his message against them. The Bible says nothing about God’s tormenting people after death in ‘hellfire.’ The idea of torment by fire is completely foreign to God, who forthrightly condemned apostate Jews for ‘detestable thing’ of making ‘their sons and their daughters pass through the fire of Molech,’ the god of Ammon – Jeremiah 32:35; 2 Chronicles 28:3.
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