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Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
05-13-2010, 07:13 PM
Post: #1
Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
Hello,
I am a young Muslim girl and I am in love with a young Christian guy. I met him on the now removed website Mystery Google. I had put out a search for someone to email me, but only it wasn't me. I assumed a pseudonym. The guy I am in love with was one of the people that replied back to my search. We began to email back and forth without him knowing my true identity. Our emails continued for several months, but he was still unaware of my deception. I had been deceiving him about my name, and family and friends. I was only honest when talking about myself. We began to date, though we never saw one another. We live far from one another. I never told him the truth about myself for fear of rejection. I lied to him for months.

We quickly became serious about each other, and fell deeply in love. We began discussing marriage. He wanted to spend his life with me, but it wasn't really me he wanted to be with. The guilt and the lies were eating me up inside. I tried often to break things off with him, but I could not let go, and neither could he. I started losing sleep over my cruel actions toward him. I loved him so much, but I would not tell him the truth, until yesterday. Yesterday I confessed to him what I had been doing.

He said he is hurt, but he still loves me. He believes there are a lot worse things I could have done to him, and wants to give me a chance to show who I really am. Now that he knows everything, he is having a harder time trusting me, which is understandable considering I lied to him for so long, but he still loves me and wants to work this out.

Herein lays the problem, well the second problem after the trust issues that I so kindly gave to us. He and I are not of the same faith. He comes from a religious Christian background, and I from a religious Muslim background. We are in love. We are both unwilling to convert to the other's religion, because our family would be lost. We are both unwilling to let the other go. I would not ask him to leave his family and join a faith he does not agree with. He would not ask the same of me. I do want to marry him, but I don't know how that would be possible, unless he or I converted. I am aware that I cannot get married to him without the consent of my parents. My parents would not consent to a union between us if he was not of the same faith.

I don't know how to make this all work out. I want it to very badly. I love him. I want to spend my life with him, but I can't because of a religious divide. Is there any way that I could marry him? I need to know. I need to know all of the possibilities. I truly believe we were meant to be. I can't speak for anyone else, but I would not object to a union of love so long as the Iman was strong. I ask for counsel. I don't know what to do. I will not part ways with him. I can't now. I love him. That won't stop. I need to know if there is hope for us.
Thank you.

And yes, I know I have done wrong in lying to him. I don't think it's wrong however, to love him.

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05-14-2010, 12:33 PM
Post: #2
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
You need parental consent? So you are not 18?
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05-14-2010, 01:22 PM
Post: #3
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
(05-13-2010 07:13 PM)pleinsduremords Wrote:  Hello,
I am a young Muslim girl and I am in love with a young Christian guy. I met him on the now removed website Mystery Google. I had put out a search for someone to email me, but only it wasn't me. I assumed a pseudonym. The guy I am in love with was one of the people that replied back to my search. We began to email back and forth without him knowing my true identity. Our emails continued for several months, but he was still unaware of my deception. I had been deceiving him about my name, and family and friends. I was only honest when talking about myself. We began to date, though we never saw one another. We live far from one another. I never told him the truth about myself for fear of rejection. I lied to him for months.

We quickly became serious about each other, and fell deeply in love. We began discussing marriage. He wanted to spend his life with me, but it wasn't really me he wanted to be with. The guilt and the lies were eating me up inside. I tried often to break things off with him, but I could not let go, and neither could he. I started losing sleep over my cruel actions toward him. I loved him so much, but I would not tell him the truth, until yesterday. Yesterday I confessed to him what I had been doing.

He said he is hurt, but he still loves me. He believes there are a lot worse things I could have done to him, and wants to give me a chance to show who I really am. Now that he knows everything, he is having a harder time trusting me, which is understandable considering I lied to him for so long, but he still loves me and wants to work this out.

Herein lays the problem, well the second problem after the trust issues that I so kindly gave to us. He and I are not of the same faith. He comes from a religious Christian background, and I from a religious Muslim background. We are in love. We are both unwilling to convert to the other's religion, because our family would be lost. We are both unwilling to let the other go. I would not ask him to leave his family and join a faith he does not agree with. He would not ask the same of me. I do want to marry him, but I don't know how that would be possible, unless he or I converted. I am aware that I cannot get married to him without the consent of my parents. My parents would not consent to a union between us if he was not of the same faith.

I don't know how to make this all work out. I want it to very badly. I love him. I want to spend my life with him, but I can't because of a religious divide. Is there any way that I could marry him? I need to know. I need to know all of the possibilities. I truly believe we were meant to be. I can't speak for anyone else, but I would not object to a union of love so long as the Iman was strong. I ask for counsel. I don't know what to do. I will not part ways with him. I can't now. I love him. That won't stop. I need to know if there is hope for us.
Thank you.

And yes, I know I have done wrong in lying to him. I don't think it's wrong however, to love him.

The previous poster is right to ask the question regarding your age. Unless you're 18 there is not much to be done.

But more to your heartfelt expression of love for the Christian man - The heart wants what it wants, and either you find a way to supress that love, or you do not. I am sorry to tell you there is no easy answer here, as much as you search to find one.

It does come down to this: You can either live with hurting your families or you cannot. You can either live with a broken heart or you cannot. However, in the long run, it is you and he that will spend your lives together and raise a family of your own.

My personal view is, when you choose your husband or your wife, they become the primary object of your love and your devotion. Families (mother, father, brothers and sisters) become secondary. Maintain their love and affection if you can, but either your love for each other will be able to sustain the loss and heartache of separation from your family, or it will not.

Unfortunately, you may not know for many years whether your love for each other will sustain you. You either have the courage to take the risk, or you do not.

Your pain is real. Your decisions are not easy.
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07-30-2010, 08:41 AM (This post was last modified: 07-30-2010 08:43 AM by Ahmadi.)
Post: #4
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
The Muslim girl wrote, "I need to know all of the possibilities."

See, if the Christian man loves you enough to give up the silliness of Trinity. Let him check out these links:

http://knol.google.com/k/zia-shah/the-co...umbuyp/38#
http://knol.google.com/k/zia-shah/the-co...umbuyp/76#

Also advise him that Trinity was forced on his forefather and now he has the freedom to choose. Check some of my other recent threads.

Good luck!

I am second coming of Thomas Paine. If you are a Christian, have you read Age of Reason?
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07-30-2010, 01:33 PM
Post: #5
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
Follow your heart. Cliche, I know.
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07-30-2010, 02:11 PM
Post: #6
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
Yes, follow your heart and not the religious social rules of ancient men and their ancient societies who aren't you, aren't your boyfriend, and are not living in our modern times. What's more important to God? Love or obedience to rules? If it's obedience to rules and not love then what's the point of worshiping a God of goodness?
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07-31-2010, 02:14 AM
Post: #7
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
I believe that a marriage between a Christian man and a Muslim woman is halaal, As long as the children are "raised Muslim" ask your Imam or Sheikh. I will tell you, however, that love is something that grows. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
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07-31-2010, 05:34 AM
Post: #8
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
If you live in a Western country and are an adult then don't worry about it, your parents will get used to the idea, people aren't usually as stubborn as we might think. If they are that stubborn, well its their problem and their loss.

If you live in a Muslim country I'd think twice before pursuing the relationship any further, in the West the law would protect you, in the middle east it would be against you.

More importantly though, you shouldn't even be discussing marriage with someone you've only ever met online, you should get to know each other offline first, even introduce him to your parents. If you are under 18, never go to meet someone you've met online alone, take a friend.

The greatest strength is in resisting provocation.
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07-31-2010, 07:53 AM
Post: #9
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
(07-31-2010 02:14 AM)Mk3390 Wrote:  I believe that a marriage between a Christian man and a Muslim woman is halaal, As long as the children are "raised Muslim" ask your Imam or Sheikh. I will tell you, however, that love is something that grows. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

There it is. Membership in a religion placed above love. This is the way it used to be for everyone and still is for those stuck in lands where religious group affiliation is more valued than the happiness and fulfillment of individuals.
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07-31-2010, 02:52 PM
Post: #10
RE: Muslim girl in love with Christian guy
(07-31-2010 02:14 AM)Mk3390 Wrote:  I believe that a marriage between a Christian man and a Muslim woman is halaal, As long as the children are "raised Muslim" ask your Imam or Sheikh. I will tell you, however, that love is something that grows. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

There may be plenty of Fish in the Sea, but if what you really want is Beef those fish just dont cut it.
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