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Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
12-13-2009, 11:10 PM
Post: #1
Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
I'm in my mid 30's and not married. A few years ago I got tired of the life I was living, full of hate, depression, anger, and all that. I was tired of being alone and not changing. I decided I wanted God in my life. I decided I would try the LDS church. So I was baptized. I have to say I've made progress - I went back and finished my collage degree, I started volunteering with the Red Cross and other organizations. I started dating (non LDS women because there are no LDS singles in my area). I've also become more outgoing.

However, after all that, in the LDS church, marriage is a big thing. I'm in my mid 30's and not married. To be Exalted in the next life one needs to be married. Do you know how depressed I get by not being married? It's killing me, really hurting me. I've been told I could get married in the next life if I don't get married in this life. Still, I feel like a looser since I don't have a wife.

I'm starting to feel lost again. I would like to stay in the Church but how can I when I'm single? Also, what about all the other singles in the church who feel my way? How can single adults be discriminated against in the next life? It does hurt me on the inside.

Was I nuts to join? Am I nuts to stay? Tonight I sent an email to a Catholic church in town with some questions. I'm wondering what their views are on single men like me. Am I cursed? Am I curse? I'm not Catholic but my dad was when he was alive. My mom was Protestant.

Are there any church's really open to singles? Do I stay in the LDS church? Visit a Catholic church? Become pagan and worship the sun and moon? I'm in misery.
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12-14-2009, 12:42 AM
Post: #2
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
TruthSearcher,

Get married to a woman you love in order to raise a family. Don't get married because some church tells you to. Figure out what religion - if any - you would want your children raised in. Check out different religions until you find one you could feel comfortable having your children follow. (If any) Get involved with that church (if any). Don't go searching for somebody to marry. When you find her, you will know.

My advice anyway.
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12-14-2009, 12:55 AM
Post: #3
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
(12-14-2009 12:42 AM)Parousia Wrote:  TruthSearcher,

Get married to a woman you love in order to raise a family. Don't get married because some church tells you to. Figure out what religion - if any - you would want your children raised in. Check out different religions until you find one you could feel comfortable having your children follow. (If any) Get involved with that church (if any). Don't go searching for somebody to marry. When you find her, you will know.

My advice anyway.

He's absolutely correct. just keep going until it feels right Tongue

For it may be God damns a liar less than he who throws his life away for pride - Arthur Miller (Rev. John Hale), Act IV, The Crucible
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12-14-2009, 03:14 PM
Post: #4
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
Also, take a look at what it was that gave you motivation. Was it god? Or was it the structure of the church itself? Because there are far better social groups you could join that will give you structure, rather than a group like the LDS that relies so heavily on indoctrination and conformity.

I'm back baby! Thanks for everyone who sent me PMs asking what had happened to me.
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12-15-2009, 03:40 AM (This post was last modified: 12-15-2009 03:48 AM by TruthSearcher.)
Post: #5
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
Well today I went out with the missionaries and made two wonderful visits. That really made me feel good. But one reason I feel good is because one of the investigator is a woman in her 40's and I don't think she's married. She seemed to really pay attention when I spoke. How bad is that - I'm supposed to tag along to help spread the gospel and my real deep motivation is finding a girlfriend/wife. How evil is that?

My problem, and the church therapist told me this - is that I'm desperate for love. He wanted to focus our meetings on me being happy as single. I told him no way - I don't want to be single - I want a girlfriend/wife!

I do have to give the Church, Book of Mormon, Heavenly Father, and Jesus credit - I would not have went back to collage and finished my degree, nor would I have went to a therapist (he said I was not shy but depressed), nor would I have started dating.

I have been on three dates since I joined the Church. I've been on eharmony for about six months or so and can't find anybody. I did go out with one girl but she never smiled. I think it might have been her first date too or something.

My second date was with a girl I met on a Mormon dating sight. I had to drive four hours to get to her and she was very depressed. Nothing came of that. My third date I met at work. We've been going out and even been kissing and hugging. But she's anorexic and can't hold a job and fights with her mom. I'm not sure if she likes me just as a friend or more. We do kiss though. Last time six times before I left.

I get depressed because I've been eharmony for months, match.com for a few months; various Mormon dating sites, and have not found anybody. I figured I would at least find some really lonely woman who would be dying to meet a nice guy who's never been in jail, don’t' do drugs or drink.

Dating is shattering my old belief in people too. I used to think men should treat woman like royalty, worship the ground they walk on. I guess not. I'm starting to believe that woman secretly want to be told what to do. They want a strong man who gives orders and protects them. I guess they want a Daddy for a husband. The girl I'm currently going out with never offers an opinion. She lets me decide everything. Last time we went out it was around 9:30pm and I asked what she wanted to do - go home or do something else. She says - whatever you want to do! Fine then, I've decided I will ask her once but if she offers no opinion then I'm deciding everything.

I'm tired of thinking. I wish I could cut the part out of my brain that thinks. I don’t' want to think anymore. I don’t' want to do any more self reflex ion.

And I'm so lonely if the girl I'm currently going out with wants to have premarital relations, I would do it. Because I'm so lonely. Of course you can't let women know that. No, not that I would get in bed with them, but the fact that I'm lonely. You can be anything - an ex convict, drug dealer, drunk, easy, stupid, jerk, - just don't be lonely or depressed. Then you won't get any girl.

I'm wondering if I should go to the county health organization and see one of their therapists. I will admit the church LDS therapist helped some but I had to drive an hour and a half just to get to him, thru heavy traffic at times.

My therapist called me a mellow guy. A girl I worked with called me mellow. I think being mellow is the worst thing you can be.

I did tell the therapist I wanted to leave this earth if I not find some one special by the end of the year. I think I'm going to hold off on that though since I've been going out with that one girl. She might be crazy in the head tho. I get the feeling she could drop me anytime once she gets a better job.

Perhaps on eharmony, once I start emailing a girl, I should come straight out and ask her for a date after a few emails. I did that with the one girl I went out with on eharmony.

Right now I’m ok tho. I’m supposed to go out with that one girl this Saturday to look at Christmas lights and a movie. She said she might to church with me on Sunday.
(12-14-2009 03:14 PM)GTseng3 Wrote:  Also, take a look at what it was that gave you motivation. Was it god? Or was it the structure of the church itself? Because there are far better social groups you could join that will give you structure, rather than a group like the LDS that relies so heavily on indoctrination and conformity.

That's simple. I was really shy (therapist said depressed.) I was too nervous to go to any other church beside the LDS church because I knew they had missionaries. I figured that church is the one church that would take a loser person like me. I figured since they walk the street so much they would love to have anyone. I was baptized. I don't really have any friends in the church tho. I really talk with no women in the church, or they don't talk to me. Maybe a few will say hi to me. I'm even the greeter at the chapel. I told my Bishop I had no friends in the church and he said - There was a Christmas party last Saturday, where were you at?!!! He said I needed to be the person to reach out. He said he plays in hand ball tournaments. Those tournaments don’t ask him to enter. He goes to them and enters. He said I need to be the one to reach out.

I will admit, there are things in the LDS church I love and feel are right.
I'm ranting. Sorry about that. I head bad to work on Tuesday and will be busy till Saturday. So if I don't reply it's because I'm working.
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12-19-2009, 10:02 PM
Post: #6
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
TruthSearcher, I've been thinking about your posts a bit this week. I spotted on the bottom of the screen you are online, which has reminded me to post. I'm sad to hear you feel this way, and here's my comment that I hope may help.

I think your therapist is right, you are depressed. I've suffered from depression in the past and what you are saying sounds a bit familiar. Whilst I've not gone this route, maybe go to your doctor and get anti-depressants; if it's a chemical thing in you this can help level you. PM me if you want to talk on this, I'll be more open in a private scenario, but if this is the case then you are certainly not alone in what's going on in your head. My missus is a mental health nurse, so I could point questions towards her too if you want free advice.

Regarding the marriage issue, I can only agree with what has been said above. The only thing is, in my experience, if you look for love you don't find it. It's when you don't even think about it that lady love drops in. Everytime I thought I'd meet someone I never did. Only the accidental meetings worked out.

Remember though, it's all only fun. Don't take things so seriously; ladies like a sense of humour!

Good luck fella.
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12-20-2009, 12:18 PM (This post was last modified: 12-20-2009 12:18 PM by TruthSearcher.)
Post: #7
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
Some women do contact me on eharmony but the LDS religion thing scares them away. I'm going to have to drop the LDS church. Being in Indiana, I can't find any single LDs members around here.

I've been in contact with two church's via email - the Catholic church and an Episcopalian church. I guess the Episcopalian church is more like a bible church. But I would have to drive twenty minutes away to go. There's a Catholic church only five minutes away. I think I'm going to have to try the Episcopalian church.

I read somewhere that the Episcopalian church is real liberal. Is drinking alcohol allowed? What about gambling?
I was on Lexapro for a few months and it worked but made me a little tired in the evening. Probably should go back and get on Prozac.
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01-03-2010, 12:28 AM
Post: #8
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
I think I'm crazy for still thinking about going back to the LDS church. I should have started visiting other churches a few months ago.
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12-11-2010, 11:09 AM
Post: #9
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
I feel sorry to read this, I don't think you're crazy... and I don't think leaving the church is going to solve your problem either, finding the right person is hard for everyone no matter if you are a lds or not. Anyway it's your decission and it's respectable. But what you must find is a person to love, not a church... I hope you understand what I'm saying. Maybe you can find the right person with a different religion but if both are christian the relationship can work.
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12-14-2010, 04:09 PM (This post was last modified: 12-14-2010 07:19 PM by hugist.)
Post: #10
RE: Single Male - Was I Crazy to Join LDS Church?
(01-03-2010 12:28 AM)TruthSearcher Wrote:  I think I'm crazy for still thinking about going back to the LDS church. I should have started visiting other churches a few months ago.

TruthSearcher,

I'm sorry to hear this. You need to understand something. No one in your church will tell you this.

You can't use religion to help you feel feel better. It is not. This is a lie. The purpose of religion is the answer the big questions of reality.

The organization of humans within a religion is what makes you feel better. This is what you are actually looking for. Ultimately, this is the value you need.

If you are considering going back to the LDS Church, you must ask yourself, does the Mormon teaching make you feel happy? In your mind, is it logical and flawless. If it is, then you must find another Mormon denomination that will provide you will happiness and acceptance.

Jesus, the Angel Moroni, Joesph Smith... they can all provide you with guidance and inspiration to make you feel loved. But as a mortal being in a human body, you need the love and acceptance from other humans. Even monks live with other monks.

Remember this, almost all of the so-called Enlightened gurus (who have abandoned everything) in India still are surrounded by followers. This is human nature.

You MUST understand what your brain is doing. Then decide either to feed that need (and how to do it correctly) or ignore that need. This your choice. But know, that need is just in your mind, nowhere else.
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