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Staying virgin
01-27-2010, 08:33 AM
Post: #1
Staying virgin
I'm 19 and so far I've instinctively lived in a very austere setting, abstaining from appetizing food, alcohol and other drugs, sexual activity and I've so far abstained from playing with myself. It sounds as if somehow I've been instinctively preparing for some transcendental destiny through strict and inflexible ascesis. Why do I struggle to stay pure? I don't really know. But it must not be a trivial of frivolous thing.

It's not because i'm not found attractive by boys or that I don't like boys. I like them a lot. And I experience the same sexual urges of any girl at my age, sometimes very strong. But when I feel I'm at the verge of indulging in a sexual activity of any kind, even all alone, I just refrain. I take a cold shower, I excercise, I weep for hours, sometimes all the night long, crawling in despair unable to sleep fighting my sexual madness. As a consequence I've abandoned all project of having sex at all. I'm deeply convinced that it's not for me even when I know I'm well built for that. I know I'd be a very passionate lover.

It has been of course a lot of suffering. I have fits of tears and head-splitting migraines and other minor disorders that I'm quite sure are caused by the total absence of sexual relief. I know how much I need sexual alleviation, but then comes this deep inner inspiration to stay unpolluted by sexual pleasure. By the way, being virgin doesn't mean I don't know what happens between a man and a woman. I've been curious enough to find out and I've even watched videos of it all. After I satisfied my curiosity I've banned watching those pics and videos because they're deeply tormenting to watch what I've decided to completely forbid to myself. This isn't an episodic part of me, I'm not preserving myself pure for marriage. I feel deep in myself that chastity is a life commitment.

Staying pure has become a passion. I'm sure it's religious, but I haven't found the religious path that fits my expectations. I've even considered entering a convent, but I'm not sure of it. It scares me a bit.
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01-27-2010, 10:37 AM
Post: #2
RE: Staying virgin
Gomezmirella – your choice and strong desire to maintain your chastity is very commendable. I can imagine how hard it must be for you but you are doing the right thing. The bible tells you to “abstain from fornication.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:3.
However, we were created to feel those urges and desires. You may not be able to keep certain desires from arising, but you can control your reaction to them. To act upon every sexual urge would be as wrong and foolish as hitting someone each time you felt anger.

If you are not married, you must learn to control your sexual feelings. Pray to God for help. His spirit can enhance your ability to exercise self control. The fact is, virginity is not strange or abnormal. It’s immoral sex that is degrading, humiliating, and harmful. By retaining your virginity, you protect your health, your emotional well being and most importantly, your relationship with God.
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01-27-2010, 12:32 PM
Post: #3
RE: Staying virgin
It doesn't have to be religious. There are a number of benefits to staying pure that have nothing to do with religion, and while it's not the path for everyone it is a path that requires strength and those who follow it should be commended for their self-control.

We are animals, and the urge to reproduce is a very strong instinct in animals. This is an evolutionary advantage, since animals that want to have sex and enjoy having sex reproduce more, creating a stronger species. But as humans we are also sentient, and thus we are more than animals. And thus our wills should overcome any instinct, as yours has.

What seems odd to me about your case, however, is that you seem to have no particular reason why you are doing it. Is this what you were taught? Or did you just wake up one day and decide you were going to be pure? If it's not based on religion (and it seems like it is not,) then why do you do it? Understand I'm not criticizing you, your decision does take strength, but I am curious as to why.

I'm back baby! Thanks for everyone who sent me PMs asking what had happened to me.
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01-27-2010, 04:02 PM (This post was last modified: 01-27-2010 05:38 PM by gomezmirella.)
Post: #4
RE: Staying virgin
(01-27-2010 12:32 PM)GTseng3 Wrote:  What seems odd to me about your case, however, is that you seem to have no particular reason why you are doing it. Is this what you were taught? Or did you just wake up one day and decide you were going to be pure? If it's not based on religion (and it seems like it is not,) then why do you do it? Understand I'm not criticizing you, your decision does take strength, but I am curious as to why.

It's odd to me too! I wrote the post to try to understand it and be helped with it. As of today all I can say is that it's an instinctive decision, but I also feel there's more than mere instinct in it. I have the feeling that there's more to it. My family isn't particularly puritan, for instance. Nobody would chastise me for being sexually free and even profligate.

I come from a provincial family having no economic restrictions, yet I chose to live like a poor girl. And I'm not ugly at all, yet I decided to stay chaste, etc.
(01-27-2010 10:37 AM)jwitness Wrote:  Gomezmirella – your choice and strong desire to maintain your chastity is very commendable. I can imagine how hard it must be for you but you are doing the right thing. The bible tells you to “abstain from fornication.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:3.
However, we were created to feel those urges and desires. You may not be able to keep certain desires from arising, but you can control your reaction to them. To act upon every sexual urge would be as wrong and foolish as hitting someone each time you felt anger.

If you are not married, you must learn to control your sexual feelings. Pray to God for help. His spirit can enhance your ability to exercise self control. The fact is, virginity is not strange or abnormal. It’s immoral sex that is degrading, humiliating, and harmful. By retaining your virginity, you protect your health, your emotional well being and most importantly, your relationship with God.

Thank for your observation.

I have two reactions: first that it's not only abstinence from sex but also my choice of austerity and humility too.

Second it's that I have nothing against sexual freedom. I find that lovemaking is a very beautiful thing and I don't criticize profligacy at all.

Sexual pleasure is not for me, that's all. I find that total abstinence from sexual relief greatly enriches my mission, wherever it leads to. In any case I don't think it will lead me to a wrong place or result. It's a lot of suffering, of course, but it's "golden suffering." It has been a marvelous experience and every day that goes I feel it's more and more exalting and passionate. Chastity has led me to a lot of joy.
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01-27-2010, 11:10 PM
Post: #5
RE: Staying virgin
Sometimes I wish I had the willpower to make such a commitment. Life without sex would, in many ways, be easier.

But I am, for lack of a more diplomatic way of phrasing it, too damn horny.

*shrug* gotta do what makes you happy.
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01-27-2010, 11:31 PM
Post: #6
RE: Staying virgin
Eh, personally abstinence has never been something that appealed to me. But I respect those who follow such a path.

It seems to me that you simply prefer to be chaste. And that is fine. But I do not think you need to tie a religion to it. Again, like I said, humans are sentient. That means we have control over our instincts, rather than the other way around. And if abstinence makes you happy, then go for it. It sounds like you simply prefer simple living. There's nothing wrong with that.

Why muck that up with religion? Just accept that it's something you want. Any method given to you by religions to help curb your impulses are just as valid without all the mystical trappings (personally I recommend you find hobbies and activities that keep you busy, thus giving you an outlet besides sex.)

I'm back baby! Thanks for everyone who sent me PMs asking what had happened to me.
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01-28-2010, 02:22 AM
Post: #7
RE: Staying virgin
(01-27-2010 08:33 AM)gomezmirella Wrote:  I'm 19 and so far I've instinctively lived in a very austere setting, abstaining from appetizing food, alcohol and other drugs, sexual activity and I've so far abstained from playing with myself. It sounds as if somehow I've been instinctively preparing for some transcendental destiny through strict and inflexible ascesis. Why do I struggle to stay pure? I don't really know. But it must not be a trivial of frivolous thing.

It's not because i'm not found attractive by boys or that I don't like boys. I like them a lot. And I experience the same sexual urges of any girl at my age, sometimes very strong. But when I feel I'm at the verge of indulging in a sexual activity of any kind, even all alone, I just refrain. I take a cold shower, I excercise, I weep for hours, sometimes all the night long, crawling in despair unable to sleep fighting my sexual madness. As a consequence I've abandoned all project of having sex at all. I'm deeply convinced that it's not for me even when I know I'm well built for that. I know I'd be a very passionate lover.

It has been of course a lot of suffering. I have fits of tears and head-splitting migraines and other minor disorders that I'm quite sure are caused by the total absence of sexual relief. I know how much I need sexual alleviation, but then comes this deep inner inspiration to stay unpolluted by sexual pleasure. By the way, being virgin doesn't mean I don't know what happens between a man and a woman. I've been curious enough to find out and I've even watched videos of it all. After I satisfied my curiosity I've banned watching those pics and videos because they're deeply tormenting to watch what I've decided to completely forbid to myself. This isn't an episodic part of me, I'm not preserving myself pure for marriage. I feel deep in myself that chastity is a life commitment.

Staying pure has become a passion. I'm sure it's religious, but I haven't found the religious path that fits my expectations. I've even considered entering a convent, but I'm not sure of it. It scares me a bit.

I'm sorry but this story doesn't ring true,
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01-28-2010, 06:11 AM
Post: #8
RE: Staying virgin
There is something inside us which direct us to the right way, may be no one tell me that the Lie is bad, but i feel that is bad , so what make me know that lie or anything is bad and somethings are good?
It is the Conscience that within each human being who directs man to the right path, people might do something wrong and he knew he was wrong, because his conscience tells him so.

I think you have a good conscience tells you where to bring you back for good and evil. These are the teachings of the High Commissioner, which indicates a way of life rights. Religion is the organizer of this life and if the religion of God (who created us is the best who knows what, who tells us and what is harmful) , we will live good life.

let us to see what Quraan said about Adultery
32. And go not nigh unto adultery, surely, it is a manifest indecency and an evil way.

also
151. Say, `I will recite to you what your Lord has forbidden, that you associate not anything as partner with HIM; and that you do good to parents, and that you slay not your children for fear of poverty - it is WE who provide for you and for them - and that you approach not foul deeds, whether open or secret; and that you slay not the soul the slaying of which ALLAH has forbidden, save in accordance with the demands of justice. That is what HE has enjoined upon you, that you may understand.

and about wine
90. O ye who believe ! wine and the game of chance and idols and divining arrows are only the abomination of Satan's handiwork. So shun each one of them that you may prosper.
91. Satan seeks only to create enmity and hatred among you by means of wine and the game of chance, and to keep you back from the remembrance of ALLAH and from Prayer. Then will you keep back ?
92. And obey ALLAH and obey the Messenger, and be on your guard. but if you turn away, then know that on Our Messenger lies only the clear conveyance of the Message.

Islam call to a decent life for humans, but who heard this
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01-28-2010, 10:16 PM
Post: #9
RE: Staying virgin
(01-27-2010 08:33 AM)gomezmirella Wrote:  I'm 19 and so far I've instinctively lived in a very austere setting, abstaining from appetizing food, alcohol and other drugs, sexual activity and I've so far abstained from playing with myself. It sounds as if somehow I've been instinctively preparing for some transcendental destiny through strict and inflexible ascesis. Why do I struggle to stay pure? I don't really know. But it must not be a trivial of frivolous thing.

It's not because i'm not found attractive by boys or that I don't like boys. I like them a lot. And I experience the same sexual urges of any girl at my age, sometimes very strong. But when I feel I'm at the verge of indulging in a sexual activity of any kind, even all alone, I just refrain. I take a cold shower, I excercise, I weep for hours, sometimes all the night long, crawling in despair unable to sleep fighting my sexual madness. As a consequence I've abandoned all project of having sex at all. I'm deeply convinced that it's not for me even when I know I'm well built for that. I know I'd be a very passionate lover.

It has been of course a lot of suffering. I have fits of tears and head-splitting migraines and other minor disorders that I'm quite sure are caused by the total absence of sexual relief. I know how much I need sexual alleviation, but then comes this deep inner inspiration to stay unpolluted by sexual pleasure. By the way, being virgin doesn't mean I don't know what happens between a man and a woman. I've been curious enough to find out and I've even watched videos of it all. After I satisfied my curiosity I've banned watching those pics and videos because they're deeply tormenting to watch what I've decided to completely forbid to myself. This isn't an episodic part of me, I'm not preserving myself pure for marriage. I feel deep in myself that chastity is a life commitment.

Staying pure has become a passion. I'm sure it's religious, but I haven't found the religious path that fits my expectations. I've even considered entering a convent, but I'm not sure of it. It scares me a bit.

First of all, I would like to commend you on your self control. I, like other on this thread, have not chosen that path but I think that your control is admirable. But...maybe this is a little extreme?
However, being 19 myself, I can understand your frustration. It is not something that is easily banished (without giving into the urge). After reading this post, I am not sure if you are happy or incredibly annoyed with your situation. Perhaps, there is someone you can talk to who can help you untangle this web?
I do have to say that I don't think that sex pollutes you. I think if you have sex for the wrong reason, abuse it, or have a plethora of partners then, yes perhaps you are doing something wrong. But, sex is a beautiful and mysterious act that should not be frowned upon if it is a decision you have made. That being said, I am not advocating you running out and having sex with the first person who wants to. But, if you decided that maybe this extreme abstinence is not fitting you correctly that may be an option to pursue with your partner.
I think that entering a convent would be rather extreme and not a decision that you should rashly head into because you don't know what to do.
Setting all religious instructions aside for the time being, maybe this is a time that you need to listen to what your body is saying - it is something you have to live in for x-amount of years and you don't want to neglect it.
Just some thoughts. Smile

My Lords, do whatever you wish. As for me, I shall do no otherwise than pleases me. - Elizabeth I

I am a thing of beauty. - Frank Sinatra
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01-29-2010, 05:55 AM
Post: #10
RE: Staying virgin
Semper Eadem said that

Setting all religious instructions aside for the time being, maybe this is a time that you need to listen to what your body is saying - it is something you have to live in for x-amount of years and you don't want to neglect it.

I t is not all my body tell me is right, for example if i am diabetic , and my body tell me to eat much rice or sweets , can I lestin to my body and my instinct in this position? I will harm myself.

We can not live without rules that control our activites , and the most right rules that we take from religion (true religion) which liberate the mind from believes of doctrine of the trinity and worshiping of animals , sun, moon or human .

Islam call to save of human being, his money, religion, mind and progeny
so Islam Prevent murder and the theft, and force the others to enter in the Islamic religion by the force and gave the freedom of worship within the islamic countries. and prevent the adultery for fear of mixing Genealogy and hatred among the people and diseases .
I love Islam , I thank Allah as I am Muslim
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